California Daughter Shot Not Menstruating
Quit your belly-aching! You’re a woman now!
According to the Huffington Post, a legendary parenting fail occurred in Hayward, California when parents mistook a gunshot for their 10-year-old daughter’s first period. In all fairness, puberty is starting younger and younger. You combine hormones in chicken with Miley Cyrus’s Gwen Stefani impression, and a period seems a lot more likely than a bullet wound. When she does start her period, do you think her parents will panic and bring her to the emergency room? This is going to make a heck of a Vagina Monologue down the road:
The tits were the opening band, and I – her very first menstrual period – was supposed to be the headliner, the glorious tale of her entry into womanhood, tampon coupons, and salt/chocolate cravings. Which story do you think she’ll remember more: me or the jackass with a .22 who put shrapnel in her ass?
In Savannah, we assume you’ve been shot and it takes a notary to prove you’re menstruating.